Does Your Place Love You?

Love is best when shared and reciprocated. Relationships often start with mutual affection but won’t last if love becomes one-sided.

This dynamic holds for where we live. We may love where we live based on years of memories, familial ties, a sense of identity, proximity of close friends, weather, and countless other dimensions. And many of us may love our homes due, in part, to how long we live in them. The average length of homeownership in the U.S. is about 12 years and for people and for people 55 to 64 and 65 to 74 the typical tenure is 17 and over 20 years, respectively.

But what if our homes don’t love us as much as we love them?

Renowned geriatrician Dr. Bill Thomas sums it up nicely with his provocation question that is particularly relevant to those pondering place in the second half of life: “You may love your home, but does your home love you back?”

Below is a process to determine whether your place loves you.

Step #1: Understand That Your Home is More Than Four Walls

There are three essential steps to determine whether your place loves you.

The first step in evaluating place is to have a broad definition of home. Home is not just our immediate physical space. Our home is a composite of our country, region, state, metropolitan area, neighborhood, block and physical dwelling. There are myriad options and factors to consider within each of these dimensions.

Each layer in this composite matters. For example, you can live in an amazing region that is growing and has a culture of health and well-being but live in a neighborhood that is unsafe with little social con¬nection. Your lived experience will be far from optimal. The opposite can be true, too. You can live in a house and neighborhood perfect for you but within a metropolitan area that is not thriving.

For these reasons, we need to see our home or place as broader than our house or apartment.

Step #2: Signs That Your Place Loves (Or Doesn’t Love) You

The second step is to lean into the four areas of place -- environment, health, community and finances – and see whether it meets your needs.

Consider the following:

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Environment

• Your physical dwelling meets your square footage and usability needs

• You have access to public amenities that you value, such as green space, restaurants, cultural attractions, etc.

• Your home is suitable for your current or next stage of life, such as growing family, empty nest, potential mobility limitations, etc.

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Health

• You are able to be active in ways that benefit your physical health

• You have convenient access to high-quality health and medical care

• You feel safe where you live

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Community

• You are able to make friends and sustain friendships where you live

• You live near family or friends you can rely on to support you when needed

• You know your neighbors and trust those who live near you

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Finances

• Your housing costs represent a reasonable portion of your monthly budget for living expenses, especially considering that you may live a long life

• Your home maintenance is manageable in terms of expenses and time

• The cost of living where you live is affordable for you

Step #3: Be Honest with Yourself

The third, and perhaps the most challenging step, is to be honest with yourself. For many who love their place, there will be areas where one’s place doesn’t love them back.

One way to be honest is to use tools like the Place Planning Assessment to get a snapshot. Another approach is to converse with those who know and love you and solicit their unvarnished perspective. Particularly if they don’t have a vested interest in a particular outcome, they may be able to see things with a level of clarity that you can’t.

Ultimately, it is essential to be aware of these gaps and understand what can – or can’t be done – to bridge them. In some cases, a thoughtful renovation or remodel can allow you to live longer in a home you love. However, in other cases, a move to a place that loves you back is the smart decision.

Keep in mind that with place, just like relationships, love is best as a two-way street and be sure to every so often assess whether your place loves you in the ways that you need.

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