Are You Stuck in Place?

For generations, the American Dream has been synonymous with owning a home, often envisioned as a house in suburbs with a white picket fence. For many millions of people over generations, owning a home has provided an opportunity to build wealth, create greater stability and dig roots within a community.

However, it can have an underbelly that is probably not talked about enough. With market volatility (including the current housing market) and other factors (including familial responsibilities among many other factors), selling a home and moving to a new location is not a trivial matter. In such cases, people can find themselves stuck in place: the condition where a change is desirable but not possible. Being stuck in place can also be a mentality that impedes personal growth.

Stuck in Place as a Physical Reality

Americans use to move regularly. Highlighted in a recent piece by The Atlantic, moving was so common in the 19th century that there was a veritable holiday called “Moving Day”, most commonly celebrated on May 1st. During this time, a reporter from The Daily Republican of Wilmington Delaware noted that “many private families make it a point to move every year.” Indeed, in the 1800s, 1/3 of people moved every year.

In the 1950s, at the height of the suburban house and the white picket fence era, about 20% of people moved each year. This mobility allowed families of baby boomers to move for better economic opportunities and improved conditions for their families.

Today, moving has grounded to a near halt. Only 1 in 13 people move each year, roughly just 8%. Today’s society would be more apt to celebrate “Staying Day” though that may not necessarily be grounds for joy.

In some cases, a lack of movement can be a very good thing. Stability creates opportunities for building deep social connections and making an impact in a place one calls home. Author and place-based advocate, Wendell Berry, often writes about the deep connection between people and the land they inhabit. He points out that a commitment to a place can make moving an impossibility for good cause:

“And so I came to belong to this place. Being here satisfies me. I had laid my claim on the place and had made it answerable to my life. Of course you can’t do that and get away free. You can’t choose it seems without being chosen. For the place in return had laid its claim on me and had made my life answerable to it.”

However, in other cases, moving may be exactly what the doctor ordered. Economic opportunities are scant. Health conditions are poor. Social connections are frayed. Or, more simply, the physical dimensions of one’s home no longer suit its resident: the home is too big or too small, it lacks important amenities, all-in costs of home maintenance are too great and so on.  Being stuck in place can be particularly problematic for older adults, where a current home can be outright dangerous in design but also social isolation.

But, if the market conditions are such that a sale is not possible or not attractive at current prices, one may be left without the option to seek a better place.

Stuck in Place as a Mentality

While stuck in place can be a physical reality, it can even more often be a psychological reality. This is where the age-old adage applies: I’ve met the enemy, and it is me.”

Part of finding the right place to thrive in each chapter of life is allowing – or, in some cases, daring – yourself to dream. What life might I want in the future? How can where I live enable – or hold back – this vision.

No doubt, changes of any type can be challenging, even more so when it involves a complicated financial transaction (in the case of homeowners) and the logistical nightmare of packing all of your stuff, finding a new home and unpacking. It is not for the faint of heart.

A Stuck in Place mentality can be particularly problematic in the context of longer lives. Increasing lifespans offer the benefits of more memories and joys; however, it also presents greater uncertainties. Simply, more outcomes (i.e., health setbacks, financial challenges, relational difficulties, etc.) are likely to happen over a longer period. A Stuck in Place mentality does not allow for pivoting that new life circumstances may require.  

Evaluate Risk Carefully, Bias Towards Action

So what is one to do?

First, evaluate risk carefully. Owning a home comes with many benefits, but has risks, too. For example, if there is a concern about a place – whether it be the physical dwelling, neighborhood or broader area –understand that renting affords you an opportunity to try a place before committing to it. A rush to own may push you to be more comfortable about a place than you really are.

Study your place and your life. Is your place changing in undesirable ways? Are your needs and preferences shifting such that your current home is a less of a good fit? If there is a significant misalignment, consider what changes could be made. And, importantly, don’t wait too long if a change is required. Particularly if you are a homeowner where a sales transaction would be required to enable a move, you can assume that an attractive selling environment will always be present.

But, perhaps most importantly, look to have a bias towards action. The thought of moving is daunting so find ways to break down the process into more manageable steps. If you have a home with a lot of stuff, give something away each week. Tackle one room at a time. Find a friend to help you.

Keep in mind that improving your place doesn’t require a move. Maybe you sense that your social connections are not as strong as you’d like. Join a book club. Volunteer. Try something.

Stuck in place can be both a physical reality and a mentality. Neither is a trivial matter. But, in both cases, through a combination of carefully assessing risk and finding ways to create positive momentum through small steps, you can overcome these challenges and unlock new opportunities to live the life you desire.

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