Life is in the Transitions
Transitions provide an opportunity to reevaluate life. Lean into them.
In Ann Lamott’s New York Times bestselling book, Somehow: Thoughts on Love, she candidly and humorously shares her perspective on life now at 70 years old. The author has experienced lots of twists and turns in her life from achieving fame and literary success to suffering from alcoholism and strained relationships. As she looks back, she doesn’t regret any of the hardships. It was in these moments that she learned the most about herself and was able to use these learnings to shape her future self.
Life is in the Transitions
Anne Lamott is not alone; while many of us may not wish for transitions, especially during periods of peace and tranquility, we often look back and see the importance of a change to our status quo. But, in the moment, we are often resistant to change.
Transitions, whether anticipated or unexpected, hold a particular kind of tension. They mark the space between what was and what will be, a threshold where the past lingers and the future hesitates. And yet, if we look closely, these in-between moments are often where life reveals itself most vividly.
It is natural to think of life as a series of destinations—a career milestone, a relationship milestone, a home to settle into. But more often than not, we exist in motion, in the liminal spaces where things are neither fully formed nor fully undone. The transitions of life—moving to a new city, ending a relationship, starting a new job, entering a new phase of adulthood—are where we are reshaped, not in the polished certainty of arrival but in the rawness of becoming.
Meet Transitions with Curiosity
Perhaps the challenge, then, is not to resist change but to meet it with curiosity. In what ways, can this transition help shape my next chapter of life? What do I want it to look like? Who do I want to be with me? What do I want to do? How can I live with greater purpose? Better health? Greater financial security? And, not insignificantly, where should this happen?
In other words, transitions provide an excuse to reevaluate your life. Especially in our distracted age of modernity, it is too easy to keep our heads down, endlessly scroll on Instagram and, without provocation, ‘keep on keeping on’, even if that’s not the best path.
Finding Your Place is Key
One of the keys to making the most of life’s transitions is place. In some cases, a life transition triggers a move. In other cases, it initiates changes to an existing place, such as material changes, like a home renovation, or, more commonly, non-physical changes, like making new friends or changing a workout routine. In nearly every case, a life transition should at least raise whether a change of place could be a strategy to make the most of a new life stage.
On one end of the spectrum, a life transition from college to a first job, place features prominently. There is the decision not just about what organization to join, but what place to become part of. Urban, suburban, rural? Within or outside of the U.S.? What type of neighborhood? What physical dwelling? This decision can shape social networks, physical activity, financial well-being, and more. For young people, the decision of what metropolitan city to move to can have a direct impact on your likelihood of finding a mate and the type of mate you find.
On the other end, empty nesters or retirees often confront decisions about place, too. Downsize, upsize, or “rightsize”? Where? What type of community or neighborhood do you wish to be part of? Which places positively influence social connections and sense of purpose? Combing over a “best of” lists can be deceptive (as Richard Eisenberg recently points out in Rating the Best Places to Retire Lists) as these compilations often overweight weather and cost of living and underweight other factors that drive broader well-being. They most certainly don’t factor what matters most to you specifically.
Your Perspective Matters, Too
If you are amid a life transition, take advantage of this opportunity for self-reflection and be sure to include place in your thinking. It’s a decision that matters, but have realistic expectations. Landing in the perfect place may be unrealistic (perfect places don’t exist, anyway, and if they do, it is not for very long). It may be better to focus on finding the “right-ish” place.
Just as important is making your place right for you. This starts with your attitude. Some transitions can be particularly traumatic, such as such as losing a partner or having a major health setbacks. Grief is a critical part of the process but don’t underestimate the role of the right place to make the of life’s next chapter.
We could all take a cue from the loveable Anne Lamott and lean into the fact that “somehow” we will get to the other side of the transition. And where we live will be part of making that happen.